Can Anyone Do It All?
Pretty frequently, I get this comment: “I don’t know how you do it all.” Sometimes it comes in the form of a question, “How do you do it all?” I’m not insulted by this question; I imagine many women who work, raise kids and appear publicly busy get asked this question regularly too. I just never know how to answer it, and that’s when a jumble of self-deprecation usually comes out of my mouth. I don’t want to be self-deprecating, I want to be honest. I DO do a lot, maybe more than some, but I guarantee less than many. But all? No. I don’t do it all. And I truly believe no one can, at least not if they want to do everything well.
Tips and Hacks for “Doing It All”
In order to do all of these things I care most about and do them well, I have certain strategies and hacks that I adhere to to make life run (relatively) smoothly. Here are a few of them, lest you think I actually can do it all:
1. My house is sometimes a mess. In order to take care of my child, run my business, and get a few hours of sleep, I let my house become quite the disaster on a pretty regular basis. I try to pick up behind myself and my kid, but sometimes piles form and photoshoot props get brought out and they don’t get touched until a long while later. In any case, everything having its proper place is low on my list of priorities, for better or worse, and I’m ok with it.
2. I get takeout. A lot. Between being pregnant, work, and family, I rarely even make it to the grocery store anymore to buy food to cook. My daughter is the only one in the house who I regularly shop for. I pin all kinds I delicious recipes and pretty much never make them. Whatever, we’re all well-fed and happy. As long as there’s coffee and cream in the house for me, I’m good.
3. I don’t sleep well. I blame this partly on pregnancy, but unfortunately, as soon as the baby kicks me in the ribs and wakes me at 3 am, I’m thinking about my to-do list and stressing about everything that needs to get done that day. It’s an annoying habit now, and I dream of being able to compartmentalize things better. Until then, I use my early mornings to sip hot coffee and work uninterrupted when not even the birds are awake yet. I’ve learned to accept this and try to catch up on sleep where I can. I figure I’m just going to be tired. Who isn’t?
4. I prioritize only a few things at a time and try to give myself a break for the rest. There are things on my daily, weekly, monthly and yearly to-do lists that are non-negotiable. They HAVE to get done. And those are the items I finish without question on time. I give myself permission to finish the nice-to-have’s on a more leisurely schedule to focus on the most important things. This makes it easier to get the priorities done.
Most importantly: I have given up the idea that perfection is a thing that can be achieved. I let go of the concept that I can do everything and do it well, because I can’t. I just can’t. My house? It is not clean. My hair sometimes goes 4 days (or more) without getting washed. I wake up at 4:30 most days; I don’t get to sleep in, and it’s not the baby’s fault. But all in all, things are ok. Not perfect, but really good. And that’s good enough.
I can’t do it all, too. These are all true. Sometimes my house is a mess, especially during the times that I have review deadlines to meet.
Agh, I needed this right now! Isn’t it crazy that we honestly think we can do it all! I keep saying, if there was only 1 more hour in a day!
I love that you wrote this! I know you’re a busy mama and business woman, so it’s great to hear your perspective. I’ve definitely had to let things go as a mom so that I can focus on what’s important. I’ve always got tomorrow to get things done that I couldn’t do today. As long as my babies are happy and we make it through the day, I’m happy! Lol!
Are you in my life? Because I get asked this all the time! What people fail to realize is that I thrive on being very, very busy. It allows me to pause but keep going. But just like you, even though I stay at home, we do takeout, my house is a mess, and sleep is just sometimes ok. But it works for me.
Love this so much Esther!!!!!! My house is a mess the majority of the time!!! Love ya!
I needed this! Sometimes we just assume everyone else is managing to get everything else done, when the reality is we’re all just trying to make it work. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Doing it all; yep, definitely a myth. However, my husband thinks I do nothing all day. You got a post about that?!
Sometimes it all gets so exhausting and overwhelming. I love this. I love how you lay it out how it is. Keep rocking it. LifeAsLex
Exactly. This post is just so encouraging!! Like you said – we should NOT be striving for perfection…because it is just not possible! A great reminder and support for alllll of us out there! 🙂
Oh Esther, you are speaking the truth!!!! I’m right there with you! I’ve never ordered as much pizza as I have in the last year! Perfectionism is the most common type of self abuse, I’m trying hard to avoid it, just like you!
It’s impossible to do it all!
I haven’t slept well since my first child was born. It’s funny because all 4 of my kids are great sleepers. I just can’t sleep through the night! Instead, I get stuff done while they sleep!
No one can do it all, and that is okay. I wish I could achieve better sleep so I didn’t feel tired all the time.
You do as much as you can and that is good enough. Like you I find it difficult to sleep too x
Fortunately I am past that stage. I no longer feel I have to do it all
That’s great!
yes yes yes…
while i despise my house being dirty, i’m learning to be more lenient…
It’s so tough. But maybe that’s a priority for you! If it is, let something else go 🙂
I definitely think as women and mothers we compare ourselves to others far to often who appear to have it all together, but the truth is, no one does. Thank you for this reminder. I needed it today!
Totally agree. And we compare our behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reel. We’re all just trying our best!
I definitely try to do it all but it’s almost impossible.
I try to focus on what I can do and not get overwhelmed about everything else.
xoxo, Jenny
I love this post!!!!!! It sounds like you are living my life- except for the waking up early part!! Lol
Your home sounds like my home. Remnants of busyness and a full life is seen all around.
Why do we do this to ourselves. It is so hard for me to ask for help. My mom says it’s a control thing. I just don’t know what it is.
Prioritizing is definitely my weakness!!!
Totally a myth. I’d wager anyone doing it all isn’t doing anything well! I called my house “lived in” not messy 😉
I think that last one is SO important! We definitely cannot do it all, and nothing’s perfect all the time!
Me too… Though a couple of years ago I made my New Years resolution to start saying no more, and I never looked back! It’s just impossible to do everything.
So much YES!! I am the worst at taking on too much, and the sacrificing my sanity and health to actually finish it all! I’m starting to learn, 32.25 years into this life of mine, that saying “no” is a must! And if people can’t deal… thats on them, not me!
Sooo true! You have to do what’s best for you, and sometimes that means saying no, focusing on yourself and just doing NOTHING.
Believe me, I’ve tried to do it all and now I’m stuck at home with pneumonia and I can barely do anything. It sucks.
I love this advice!! It is definitely something we all need to think of when we’re busy comparing ourselves to other women. I wrote a similar post about having it all together awhile back, and I think these two things go hand in hand!!
Oh goodness, yes! None of us can do it all!!! We all just need accept that and move on. Even if it looks like someone is doing it all I can guarantee you that they’re not and that’s TOTALLY ok. 🙂
OMG, thank-you for this! I often feel like I need to do it all and the truth is that it’s a silly notion to try and live up to. I’m going to incorporate some of your tips to my life, especially prioritizing and giving oneself a break.
A perfectly imperfect life is a perfect life!
These are so true! I try to do it all but there’s just no way with 4 kids.
I fail miserably at trying to do it all, but I will settle for doing 75% of what I need to do. I learned a long time ago that trying to achieve perfection in everything in life will leave you stressed and grumpy.
Hehehe people I do it all as well…. My “secret” not so glamorous… No sleep! Wish I had a better secret than that lol
I get takeout food more often than I’d like to admit! That’s usually why my kitchen stays clean haha
Haha hilarious… My kitchen messes are all photoshoot props because that’s where the best light is!
Amen sister. All five of these are the story of my life. I have no idea how some people do it all. I keep up with dirty dishes and laundry, but that’s about it.