Motherhood

What I Really Want to Tell You About Life with Two Kids

Friday, March 18th, 2016

Posted By Esther

 

I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters, one of them just a little over a month old. They are the lights of my life and I love them more than anything. They’re the best things I’ve ever done.

But it’s currently 2 am and I’ve been up for 2 hours trying to get my baby to go back to sleep. This is my new normal. In the twilight of the night, when no one is up except me and my hungry, crying baby, I think about how hard this all is, though it probably doesn’t look that way from my Instagram feed. I think about how easy parenting can seem and how unrealistic it is that life with two babies in a home with two self-employed parents could ever be smooth sailing. I wonder why I can’t be perfect at this, and have to remind myself that no one is, even if they look like they are.

So this is what I want to say:

When you see me at that event and my hair is clean & I have makeup on… My newborn woke up halfway through my shower and screamed and cried the rest of the time I was in there. It was the least enjoyable shower of all time. She cried as I put makeup on for 5 minutes — which I did so you couldn’t see how tired I really look. I cried too.

When you ask me how I’m still working, even with a newborn and a toddler at home… I want to tell you that sometimes I wish I wasn’t. That the stress right now is overwhelming and I sometimes wish I could just pause all other parts of life to avoid the guilt of not being able to be the kind of woman who does it all gracefully.

When you ask me if my newborn is a “good baby”… Sometimes my knee-jerk reaction is “no.” Because she’s a baby, and sometimes in my sleep deprived state, I mistake her needing me desperately and primally as being “bad.” Sometimes I cave under the pressure of being somebody’s everything. I forget that it’s not possible for her to be “bad.”

When you ask me if my two year old likes her new little sister… Yes, she loves her. It’s me she doesn’t like as much right now. Her dad has been doing the brunt of the school pickups, drop-offs and birthday parties while I recover from a c-section. That used to be my job. I keep wondering if she’s going to be disappointed when it’s my job once again.

When you ask me how I do it all… I want to tell you that I don’t. Not by a long shot. My house is a total disaster. I haven’t stepped foot inside a grocery store in over a month (thanks Instacart). I’ve missed meetings. I’ve missed photoshoots. I have a thousand emails to respond to. My hair is a situation that even an entire bottle of dry shampoo can’t fix.

When you ask me how breastfeeding is going and I say, “great!”… I really want to tell you that I had no idea how life-altering exclusively breastfeeding is. I wasn’t able to do it with my first one, and while I’m thrilled it’s working out so far, I can’t leave the house for more than 2 hours. No one can feed her but me, which means I’m up ever 2-3 hours to feed her or pump. That I’ve never been this sleep-deprived. That sometimes I just want to throw some cabbage leaves in my bra and be done with the whole thing.

So you see these are all true things. And would I change them? Not for anything in the world. Because life is supposed to be messy and raw and gross and beautiful, and if we wish those things away, all we’d be left with is perfection.

And in the light of day, I remember once again that I don’t want perfection either. 

49 thoughts on “What I Really Want to Tell You About Life with Two Kids”

  1. Awww, so loved this real perspective! I’m expecting our second child in June and I know it will definitely be a lot of adjustments, challenges and probably crying along with all that s good about being a parent. I’m already ready to find our “new normal” and she’s not even here yet, lol! I pray that you all are slowly starting to get use to your new normal as well. Be encouraged!

    1. You’re welcome! Every day is different, some days harder than others. Even on the hardest days, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. xo

  4. Thanks for being so real. I will be in your shoes in just a few weeks, so it’s nice to see some real perspective.

    1. Truth is it IS great. In so many ways! But it’s really hard too, and anyone that says it’s not is either superhuman or lying 😂 But trust me, it’s the best thing in the entire world. Parenting is paradoxical like that though, isn’t it?

  6. This seems like a flashback to me reading this! I felt like this was exactly my life two years ago. It was so hard the first year and it eventually got easier. Now mine are best friends and love to play together. Hang in there and take it one day at a time.

  7. This is beautiful and so raw. Motherhood can be so chaotic and there’s nothing easy about it but it sure does teach us so much and releases this power within us we had no idea we carried. You are doing amazing mama. Love this post SO much.

  8. It’s always easier when people ask how it’s going to just go with the more simple answer-haha I definitely know what you’re going through I have two boys 4 and 5 and it can be fun and chaotic at times 😉

  10. This was beautiful! And so encouraging to know we’re not alone in this mama game. Signed, A self-employed work from home toddler twin mom going on 3 hours of sleep without a shower in 2 days <3

  13. I really appreciate your honesty!! I was in your exact same spot almost a year ago and it’s the hardest thing ever. Who am I kidding, my 10 month old is still up every 2 hours! Haha. But seriously, I feel your pain mama!

    1. So many people can relate! It’s pretty amazing how many people have said they went through something similar. Solidarity, sister! xo

  15. I love that this is so real! And with 4 kids and no ability to keep up with everything, I relate on almost every level. Good to know I am not alone!

  16. Oh Esther.. this made me cry because those feelings (ALL of the above) are still so raw for me and although my baby is sleeping a lot better now, he still has his nights. You are not alone and you’re doing a great job!

    Thank you for writing this 🙂

    1. Thank you Tawnya! It gives me hope when others are just a little ahead of me and things are a lot better… I know you can relate! xo

  17. It gets better!!! I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old and it’s gotten better since he’s able to sit up on his own. His feeding a are spaced out a little more (I emphasize the word little) and I feel more comfortable managing both. When I called the nurse on day bc Ellie was sick, I said something like, it’s just harder with 2, she said, oh girl you’re in a whole different ball game now. It’s rough but now they’re playing together and it’s cute and it gets better. And I stay at home with them all day and it’s still SUPER stressful and tiring and you’ll have guilt over other things like letting her watch too much tv or not eating enough healthy food or whatever. You’re doing great! Beautiful post!

  18. Yes. All of this. And I’m not even working these days. Im only a month ahead of you, but I can say it doesn’t necessarily get easier. It just starts to feels more normal. you get used to the lack of sleep again. You realize both girls crying at the same time isn’t the reflection of your parenting. You realize that a house unfit for guests isn’t the worst thing you can have. And the whole exclusively breastfed just puts you on a timer anytime you want or need to do something kid free. I’m there with ya friend. I longingly look ahead at the next stage, but then when it’s here I’m looking back and missing the little squishy newborn snuggles. 😂

  19. It’s been two years since I’ve been there, but reading this puts me right back to that stage. This post is so true and raw and it is amazing that you are able to open up so much about it. Thanks for letting us in!

  20. I relate to almost everything you’ve written here. My boys are 2 and 3 now and it seems like just yesterday my husband and I (who are also both self-employed, working from home) were sleep-deprived zombies trying to juggle it all and only just barely making it through each day by the grace of God and our amazing family members who helped us out. Our second baby didn’t sleep more than a couple hours until 12 months. I never thought we’d make it but we did. Now he is the best sleeper and he goes down, willingly, for the entire night in about 5 months. He loves to give the biggest hugs and tell us he loves us. Listening to the boys playing and talking together truly warms my heart. I would be lying if I said that first year was anything but difficult, but we made it through and you will too. Sometimes you just have to let the household chores go. Being self-employed from home adds the extra pressure of everyone thinking you are available 24/7. Give yourself a break. Give yourself days off. Never feel bad for living your life in whichever way works for you. You may not remember much of the next couple months so take lots of pictures and know that soon enough you’ll look back and see how worth it your struggle was. Hang in there!

  21. Amen sister, amen. I feel you on all of these. Always #frazzled and #sooverbreastfeeding. I mean ‘I love it everything is so great and I’m just #blessed #blessed #blessed!!’

  22. Aww lady! I just want to give you a hug! I’ve been there with the newborn things but I have not been there with two!! It was so very easy for me to see the things that were going wrong, and so very hard for me to see the good, especially when it comes to sleep deprivation. Breastfeeding was great, and I’m glad I did it, but it was a really difficult transition to all of a sudden have a baby who completely depends on you, and on a very strict schedule. (Not to mention if you don’t get the milk out…ugh) So I feel you. I hope you have people in your life who can give you sanity time, and I say, if you don’t have to go to the grocery store, that’s awesome!! I wish we had that in my area.

  23. You are speaking truth! One year into 2 and I still feel this way. I’m slowly learning it’s okay to let things go (a little)! My life may not be what I thought it would but siblings are totally worth it!

  25. Thank you for being so vulnerable! It is hard, so hard. I have two sweet girls 22 months apart. I had a C-section and I feel like I’ve been right where you are. I loved breastfeeding. But there were times (especially at 2am) that I did not like being the only one who could care for my sweet daughter. I would stare in agony at the clock, knowing my 2 year old would be up at 7am no matter what kind of night I had.

    I loved breastfeeding but I don’t really miss it. I loved my daughters as babies, but I don’t miss the crazy nights of infancy. It gets different momma. I won’t say “better” just different, because there are things to love in every stage.

    My sweet girls love one another and generally sleep all. night. long. now. No one is dependent on my body for nutrition. A few weeks ago I even went away without them overnight for the first time ever. And I missed them. BUT they do shove each other, the now almost two year old torments the almost 4 year old with a near constant stream of no and nope, and two can make QUITE a bigger mess than one. Except one of them cries when things are messy. Drama! I never knew there would be so much drama.

    Anyways. Too much about me. You are doing awesome. That crying baby isn’t going to be scarred for life by you finishing your shower. But you go ahead and let yourself cry because it is HARD. Find someone (like your blog!) that you can tell that it is HARD and you’re only putting on that you’ve got it together because that is just what we do. Sometimes putting that makeup on and washing that hair is what reminds us that there is some semblance of normal out there.

    Your daughters are beautiful! Y’all can do this!

  26. Oh Esther, I love your honest and raw emotion in this post. I have been there, crying while putting makeup on after an interrupted shower. I only have one daughter, but I can imagine the compounded struggles of two little ones. You’re doing a great job and have a beautiful family. Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself!!

  27. This. Just – THIS. So raw, so beautiful. Eloquent and REAL. Thank you for sharing this perspective; it actually validates my own struggle after my son was born. It IS all worth it, and your perseverance will be rewarded, and your children will one day understand your immense love for them, shown in all the little sacrifices. Blessings to you!

  28. Oh man. Hang in there, momma. Thank you for this honest testimony of real mothering. ❤️ To say it’s temporary, I’d be lying. The physical hardship you are experiencing with a toddler and newborn only shifts to a more emotional/worrying state as they get older. But what a gift it is to see them become their own human beings. Just do the best you can, give yourself some grace and ask for help when you need it. Rooting for you!

  29. This is amazing. You are strong mama! Remember this too shall pass and it DOES get easier. I only have one but I remember that newborn stage. I cried in the shower every day, and EBF is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but so worth it. Keep it up!

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About Esther

The Cuteness: sharing daily inspiration, kids fashion, work/life balance + small business how to's from mom & business owner Esther Freedman